Formation

I looked ahead of me and understanding of what I saw and held started to flow into me until I noticed that I was being filled and then used what was understood to form a conclusive thought. At this conception I became disappointed as I realized that the thought was not grand at all, but only a reflection of the understanding I had been receiving. I wanted back what felt grand-- the uninterrupted understanding-- not its memory. That feeling was like an autonomous series of successful movements- with each step having a magical foundation in truth and providing leverage for the next complementing step and so on and so on and so on. I wanted to find that same flow of understanding but this time live it out rather than killing it prematurely with conclusive thought. I tried to force the experience all over again and this time it felt like the embodiment of grinding gears or some intangible pressure building without outlet for release-- until i quit. huh... can’t have it holding desire-- it seems to play the interferer.